Thursday - 11/2/06 Redux

7:05 PM Paul: put your face in the toilet, you'll be so drunk, you will
Michael: my face is already in the toilet
it's not working
Paul: blast! fill the toilet with alcohol then. that's gotta be a good idea
7:06 PM Michael: that is a good idea, then i can shit and drink simultaneously
you're a genius!
Paul: i'm a brain genius
7:07 PM Michael: are you seeing borat this weekend?
Paul: you know, not everything i say is right
no
i'm not
i'm drinking
and eating
and that's where all my money is going
Michael: i want to drink and eat too
maybe i'll do that
movies in new york cost like $25
7:08 PM Paul: yeah, it's like 10.50 now. i'd sooner wait for netflix
Michael: you would, wouldn't you
Paul: i would
wouldn't i
Michael: my local theater accepts my student ID for $8 tix
not terrible
Paul: not too bad, no
Michael: but this affects when i come up, b/c a bunch of friends of mine are going
hmmm
hoooom
whoooo,
ooooooom
7:09 PM Paul: indeed
Michael: va va voom
Paul: bloom on demand
Michael: but you are mostly superior, especially when drunk
Paul: mmm, i'm no kazakhstanian
Michael: you should wear a tag that says "Warning: Awesome when drunk."
Paul: or "warning: you drink that drink, drunky" and people will read it and be like "what?" and then i'll take their drink and pour it all over myself
Michael: hahahaha
Paul: that'll show 'em
Michael: that would
Paul: that'll show 'em who's drunk
ME
and YOU
Michael: ALL OF US
i can't wait
7:11 PM Paul: sooooooooooooo much alcohol this weekend
Michael: if my liver gives out, just replace it with a bottle of jameson
you're a surgeon
Paul: saturday night we're going to union pool in williamsburg, then otto's shrunken head (which you've been to) and then maybe another bar too
i'm a brilliant brain doctor mike, not a liverologist
7:12 PM Michael: oh paul, i think it's only fair to tell you: i don't drink
Paul: hahahahaha
Michael: never have actually
i'll have an O'Doul's
Paul: that bottle of scotch sophmore year must have been a beautiful dream then
Michael: and you can kick me in the groin
Paul: roshambo you for it
Michael: so maggie's brithday is actually tomorrow
Paul: yes
7:13 PM Michael: hmm
Paul: a bunch of her friends will be in town from boston
Michael: but her drunkday will be saturday
Paul: both days, actually. but yes, saturday big time
Michael: you fascinate me
Paul: i'm astounded that you'd say so. you astound me.
7:14 PM and p.s. way to update your blog finally
Michael: yeah, i'd been too busy and tired and mostly lazy to do so earlier
but thanks
Paul: if your blog were a physical place, i would have invaded it years ago in protest of your lack of updates.
with tanks
made of smaller tanks
7:15 PM we're both on AIM and Gmail right now
it's like we were meant to be together

Thursday - 11/2/06

4:46 PM Paul: i'll make you pay for that, dubz!

Michael: that'll be twenty dollars

beware

i think i'm coming in on saturday

Paul: with twenty dollars i can buy many peanuts

ok

noted

4:47 PM on saturday i will probably be drinking from like 3 o'clock on

Michael: mmm

delicioso

Paul: i'm outtie

Michael: adios

Tuesday -10/31/06

2:45 PM Michael: yoooooo
2:46 PM i'm coming to new york this weekend
Paul: i know. super excitement to the max?
Michael: at least
2:47 PM SO
i have to discuss several things
first
now that whiskyfest is off, what should i get for maggie's birthday?
Paul: buy her drinks? bring her a bottle of whiskey?
2:48 PM Michael: sure, is that what she wants?
b/c any and all drinks i buy, i'll play an active role in consuming
Paul: she'd rather the drinks than the bottle
but you really don't have to do anything, you know
Michael: i'm aware
2:49 PM any other ideas
?
otherwise i'll whisky up your world
Paul: i think the drinks will do. since we'll be bar-ing it mucho
Michael: so shall it be
this will be so mostly excellent
2:51 PM it will be especially drunken
but especially excellent
Paul: excellently drunk
Michael: drunkenly excellent
2:52 PM
Paul: both? and both!
Michael: oh man i cant wait
alright i'm out
cheers
Paul: peace yo

Tuesday - 10/24/06

Michael: hey

Paul: what up?

Michael: bad news

4:54 PM Paul: you made me a cake

and it wasn't leavened?

Michael: worse, i tried to buy whiskyfest tix this weekend and they were sold out

but

Paul: ahhh

i saw that coming

Michael: i emailed them to see if there was another way to get tickers

so we'll see if anything comes of that

Paul: if not

then on saturday night

Michael: i'll buy us all whiskey

4:55 PM Paul: we will have to go to a bar and buy us the finest of whiskeys all night

or

just stay til tuesday

and we'll drink til our faces fall off

Michael: yes yes

i'm all for it

but still a disappointment

Paul: indeed

i'll tell m'lady

4:56 PM Michael: that's all for now

later

Paul: peace

Wednesday - 10/18/06

4:33 PM Paul: the government is your pimp
and you, its beotch
4:34 PM Michael: i'm the government
govern me
Paul: that makes no sense
that makes less sense than anything i've ever heard in my many years of hearing
Michael: you are the one whose cents cannot be made
Paul: i am the one who wants some jeans
4:35 PM Michael: i wish i could talk but i have work to do
Paul: indeed
Michael: you get it because you're a mathematician

Monday - 10/16/2008

3:05 PM

Michael: you sir, are a festisioPaul: what is that from? did you make that up?Michael: i made it up using my own imaginationPaul: well now you're clearly lying

3:06 PM

Michael: no, it's true. i learned it at the School of Creative WritingPaul: you sir, are a foolioMichael: i could use that

3:07 PM

Paul: with my permissionMichael: no, i created it

3:08 PM

using my powers of creative writingPaul: your knowledge of man's mind is astoundingMichael: my first class at the SCW, as we affectionately call it, was "Use the plots and characters from movies you've recently seen to form your own script"Paul: brilliant101

3:11 PM

Michael: yeah it was cool, you should go therethe school's motto is "I know more about film and music than Paul Cannon"Paul: i believe it was "Paul Cannon doesn't know anything about music

3:12 PM

Michael: that's our fight songPaul: which, clearly, i don'tMichael: i knowyou dont have to tell meour founder was in mensaso he knowsPaul: don't you mean "mansa"?

3:13 PM

the misspelled mensamensuhMichael: mensuh"I'm in Mensuh"brilliantPaul: hahahaha

3:14 PM

so are you coming to whiskyfest 2k6, or do i have to kill you and bring your corpse like in that movie, weekend at mike's at whiskyfest 2k6?Michael: i'm gonna try to comei think i canPaul: come or die. it's a simple choice

3:15 PM

whisky? death?Michael: wow, that is a simple choicedeath for whisky or death by whiskyPaul: there's a clear choice

3:16 PM

one mr. jameson is going to have to live with mr. daniels and mr. beam, along with many finer gentleman, in my stomach.Michael: I'll speak to Mr. Johnny Walker about it, at the Scotch officePaul: mmm, he never stays long. just keeps on walking.

3:18 PM

Michael: it's going to be interesting to see how the hell we get home after Whiskyfest 2k6assuming i can gothat isPaul: or how i stay conscious/don't pukeoh, you'll go.

3:19 PM

Michael: you will puke yourself unconsciousPaul: i don't doubt iti'm gonna need a lot of starches in my stomach. i'll eat an entire pizza for lunch at work

3:20 PM

Michael: wot about falafel? mmmm giant falafel

Paul: if it were socially acceptable, i would eat all saw dust. delicious inedible sawdust

Michael: that does sound deliciously inediblePaul: i'll be at work all day. if you want to bring me a falafel, then yes

3:21 PM

Michael: we should bring a video camera and make a film about our day at WhiskyFestPaul: do you think we could get it in? do you think we'd end up NOT losing/breaking it?

3:22 PM Michael: i think we could keep it safe, but i dont know whether or not it's allowed. i could try to find out, but we should bring it and then one day we can show it to our kids as why they shouldnt drink

Paul: if not, we should at least each bring a disposable cameraMichael: at the very least, absolutely

3:24 PM

i still havent bought tix, but in theory it would be me, you and maggiePaul: yesMichael: okPaul: if it's sold out or something, you should just buy a bunch of whiskeyMichael: hahaokby the way, have i told you about my new religious belief?Paul: judaism?

3:25 PM

Michael: i'm a magnostic, i doubt the existence of maggiePaul: hahahayou doubt the existence of magnatism. much like creationists aren't too sure about gravity.Michael: precisely

3:26 PM

i also have my eye on electricity, something just aint right about that

3:27 PM

Paul: you're telling me.Michael: ben franklin was a jerk

3:29 PM

remember when we went to whiskyfest in three weeks?

3:30 PM

Paul: oh man, that was so great. let's do it again. in three weeks

3:32 PM

Michael: coolthree weeks from now? that's tomorrow!

3:33 PM

how does that song you like go?

3:37 PM Paul: like this: "you're dead!"

3:39 PM

Michael: oh yeah, i only remember the first part "you're about to be dead!"

3:40 PM

Paul: and then the end - "i'll miss you"

3:41 PM

Michael: avril lavigne is truly a master lyricist

3:42 PM

Paul: yeah. too bad she isn't as hot as us.Michael: i'm very manly and attractive

3:43 PM

Paul: aren't they all?

3:44 PM

Michael:who's they? supermodels?Paul: you know....themMichael: oh the governmenti DO know them

3:45 PM

ok i need to do workbut i do enjoy discussing whiskyfestso let's do it again some time

3:46 PM

Paul: soonMichael: via con diosPaul: vayaMichael: hahaniceyou're a spanishPaul: i amfrom mexico

3:47 PM

Michael: vaya then Uhmigo

Wednesday - 10/12/06 Redux

2:46 PM Paul: Maybe our inability to commit is a commitment itself - a commitment to be alone, a commitment to be lonely.
2:47 PM Michael: check out the top item now on andrew sullivan
2:49 PM Paul: As a kid, you think no one can hurt you. It's only when you're older that you realize it wasn't that you couldn't be touched. It's that you couldn't really touch anyone else. (ok, i'm done for now)
Michael: hahaha, oh man
Paul: yeah, i saw that
Michael: that one was brilliant
Paul: ridiculous
2:50 PM Michael: truly
2:52 PM Paul: classic
Michael: "Sometimes you find out you weren't afraid that the outside world was gonna beat you, but that you were going to beat yourself"
Paul: that's a good one
2:56 PM here's a question for you
should other characters in the movie be like "what?! does that even mean anything?" or should everybody just play it straight?
2:57 PM Michael: i think everyone should play it straight, BUT it's a question we should keep in mind as we go, because depending on context we may want that to be the case
Paul: it could be funny if everybody played it straight until the end when somebody was just like "dude, you have got to just stop. nothing you have said has meant anything. what, did you watch the matrix and think that you were a philosopher?"
2:58 PM Michael: i think it should be a character who either wasn't in the rest of the movie or barely was, like his dad or something
2:59 PM Paul: hahaha
Michael: and then he can add "get a job"
Paul: his dead best friend
rises from the grave
Michael: to bring the message
Paul: totally
"dude, if you don't stop pretending to be the voice of my generation, a zombie will crush your larynx"
3:00 PM Michael: you are on fire now
Paul: and then he says something, and the dead best friend rises out of the ground and crushes his larynx. end movie.
3:02 PM Michael: "The End...?"
Paul: haha
3:03 PM Michael: and the love interest watches the event horrified and as the screen fades to black you see the zombie turn and start walking toward her
3:04 PM Paul: ha. it should probably go after the credits.
Michael: that works too
3:05 PM Paul: because it's a tough balance we're striking the whole time. making anyone with a brain realize that the movie is like ann coulter - crazy right winger or just in it for the money? so we shouldn't blow our whole load except as an alt. ending
3:06 PM Michael: great idea, i think you're 100% right

Wednesday - 10/12/06

12:03 PM Paul: you're one of the few things that is a welcome distraction at work. that's why i call you "Mike 'Sideshow' Dubz
12:07 PM Michael: then let's get our distract on
12:08 PM Paul: untract me
i'm tracting
did you read andrew sullivan's "bushism of the day"?
Michael: not yet
havent had the time
Paul: "This morning my administration released the budget numbers for fiscal 2006. These budget numbers are not just estimates; these are the actual results for the fiscal year that ended February the 30th," - George W. Bush. You couldn't make this up.
Michael: haha
Paul: ridiculous
Michael: so much so
12:09 PM Paul: he's the leader of the free world
astounds me
Michael: it really is astonishing
and arnold schwarzenegger is governor of our largest state
he was on leno last night
12:10 PM i just couldnt believe that that man was governor
Paul: for real. what a wacky world. what a bunch of fools we seem to be surrounded by
12:11 PM Michael: upon close inspection it appears that only the truly insane are truly sane
Paul: how delightful?
12:12 PM Michael: as Zach Braff might say "In life you have to wake up to the world before you can wake up to yourself"
12:13 PM Paul: did you just make that up?
Michael: yes
Paul: wow
that's it
we're writing a generation defining drama. and we're going to be so straight about it, but really we'll be mocking the movie itself
12:14 PM Michael: YES
we must
it practically writes itself
and we can have a poetry slam scene that's really profound
Paul: "i guess what really counts in this world is to be counted. every day is just another number."
12:15 PM Michael: brilliant
Paul: oh man
this is going to be so easy
Michael: we can use our old poems in that poetry slam scene
Paul: we can and will
Michael: you dont need to think about plot, because it will be a trite coming of age tale with a predictable love story tied to it
12:16 PM Paul: oh yeah
12:17 PM so....this guy zach's best friend dies, and he ends up falling in love with his girlfriend
Paul: we'll have a hilarious scene about whether or not she's a widow
Michael: i love it
12:18 PM Paul: we're gonna be millionaires
Michael: or at least poor-aires
Paul: yeah
Michael: we can call the film "Empire State"
and it will be set in brooklyn
Paul: the hardest part will be striking the right balance, so people don't know if we're mocking them or not
Michael: right
12:19 PM Paul: no no no, that's too much of a nudge nudge
it'll have to be something like
Michael: that's why i was thinking we can use a title that's not obviously a parody like "Yellow Carnations" or something
Paul: "Empire Falls"
or some crap
yeah
Michael: that crap's not bad
12:20 PM Paul: i'm almost embarrassed at how easy this is
12:21 PM the girl wil have to have attitude and edge. zach will be awkward but charming
Michael: isn't it pathetic?
Paul: yes
yes it is
Michael: yeah, Zach is the charming geek type
Paul: shy
but witty
Michael: very adorable and self-depricating
Paul: on the outside of things, an observer rather than a participant
Michael: seemingly introspective at all times
12:22 PM Paul: that is until angelina pulls his heart into action
Michael: it's going to be very tough for me to hold back some of the ridiculousness that pops into my head. for example, i was thinking there could be an emotional scene where the girl reveals that she has a terrible medical condition
and it turns out it's a tapeworm
Paul: she should definitely have something
but it never actually comes into play
Michael: of course
Paul: they just talk about it to give her more depth
Michael: yeah
12:24 PM Paul: "Angelina. Not quite an angel, but as close to heaven as my wings can take me."
so
bad
so hilarious
Michael oh man
12:25 PM "We complain that our lives are complex, but what makes them worthwhile is that we try to make them simple."
12:28 PM "When you look in the mirror and realize you're not young anymore is the same day you can begin living again."
Paul: "Growing up, you're told you can be anything. A rock star. An astronaut. A millionaire. But it's not that you grow up and land short. It's that no one ever really grows up at all"
Michael: hahaha
Paul: such trashy insights
Michael: solid
Paul: all of this and more
Michael: they're not even insights
12:29 PM they're meaningless
Paul: i know
so so meaningless
12:30 PM skimming the surface of our lives, everyday. we don't take a plunge because we're afraid that the water's too shallow.
12:31 PM this is so funny
12:32 PM Michael: ha, good one
yes it is
12:34 PM Paul: i'm serious about this, by the way. we can at least write it. and if we keep it to like 5 characters and few locations, we could probably make it if we wanted to. we just have to strike the right balance of mockery
12:35 PM Michael: that will be the biggest challenge, other than that, i'd say we could have a draft done in a week if we were working on it together in person
it's SO easy
Paul: soooooooo easy
12:36 PM Michael: so how do we write it?
12:37 PM as we are now, that is
12:39 PM Paul: well, we should bounce ideas off of each other for plot points, then i'll write up a plot synopsis/outline. that's step one.
Michael: ok, that works
12:40 PM i don't think i have the time to do that now, at work, but how about this weekend?
Paul: sure. how about i write up a general plot point outline, e-mail it your way. and you get back to me with ideas/corrections, etc.?
12:41 PM Michael: great
as soon as you get it to me i'll start working on it
12:42 PM Paul: "I guess that's all love really is - finding the same holes in someone else that you have in yourself."
Michael: wow
that's so mind-blowingly inane that i love it
Paul: i'm a genius. watching bad movies all the time has truly become the source of all my talent.
Paul: oh man
OH
MAN
The Holy Roman Empire - the main character will be named Zach Roman
12:45 PM Michael: haha
Paul: "holy" as in "holes"
Michael: that's a TV series type name
Paul: true
Michael: maybe
Paul: "crossing jordan"
"judging amy"
Michael: Judging Amy
Paul: ha
same page
Michael: oh yeah
12:46 PM that's the page we're on
Paul: alright, i'm outtie
Michael: ok, this was productive
and entertaining
12:47 PM Paul: as always
Michael: Cheerio