Thursday - 2/22/07

2:02 PM Michael: WAH
Paul: fuck you too, mike
2:03 PM Michael: geez
just, sigh, geez
i mean
damn
2:04 PM Paul: have i offended your sensibilities?
Michael: you have
you're a man on many offenses
2:05 PM Paul: so she e-mailed me today
Michael: oh?
Paul: and it has made me feel fucking shitty, of course
Michael: of course
did she say anything substantial?
Paul: her email: [redacted]
2:06 PM response:
yeah, this is pretty impersonal.come get your bike whenever you want. it's locked up so no one can waltz in and steal it. one of the people with a key will have to be home to unlock it.
2:07 PM Michael: that's a tough one
seriously shitty
2:08 PM is this the first time she's come to pick up stuff?
Paul: yeah. yeah it is.
2:09 PM i feel like i'm going to throw up
fuck
i hate this shit
when is it that i won't care anymore? cause that needs to happen real soon.
2:10 PM Michael: yeah it sucks
Paul: so i tried to be as un-mean and impersonal as i could
2:12 PM Michael: you did a fine job of it
2:13 PM do you have any idea about how she's been doing?
2:14 PM Paul: i think she's alright, but no, i have no idea. i assume if she weren't doing hot, she'd be like "hey paul, i fucked up." or something. or she'd at least realize she did. but the way i figure it she's doing the classic thing that happens when you dump someone, which is distracting yourself with booze and ass and thinking that you feel great, only to realize in a few months that you fucked up.
2:15 PM where as when you get dumped, you know you feel like shit and distract yourself with booze and ass until, months later, you realize you feel better.
2:16 PM Michael: that should be on someone's tombstone
gerald ford's perhaps
2:18 PM Paul: yes, it will be written on parchment and sent back to egypt land
2:21 PM Michael: i agree with your views and wish to subscribe to your newsletter
2:22 PM Paul: krabapple? i've been calling her krandle! oh, i look like an idiot!
Michael: hahahaha
2:24 PM i wish i could think of a good simpson's quote but i cant
i keep going between this conversation and the report i'm writing
2:25 PM check the headline of this Boston Globe article:
http://www.boston.com/sports/articles/2007/02/22/a_beaming_harvard_embraces_the_cannons/
2:26 PM A Beaming Something Has Never Embraced the Dubitzkys
Paul: well, the cannons are a proud and industrious folk
2:28 PM Michael: today the Cannons uniquely mix their rich traditions with modern sensibilities to form a vibrant cultural tapestry
2:29 PM that's what travel shows say about any place they visit
2:30 PM Paul: we draft the young from the richest countries to be the ballerinas of the culture wars
2:31 PM Michael: haha
what a delightful metaphor. I can relate to it because i know the role of ballerinas in war
2:32 PM Paul: they are the most beautiful and deadly of the dancing regiments
2:33 PM Michael: like a golden retriever with a gun its mouth
2:34 PM Paul: ah, the canine brigades. the mini-doberman, and his oversized knife on his back
Michael: the dachshund, with its sack full of dog shit
2:35 PM Paul: the pug, with it's non-stop top-40 ipod speakers
Michael: the irish setter with its carrot top jokes
Paul: i don't know that i can ever be funnier than you just were
Michael: please, you flatter me
2:37 PM Paul: you and your brain and its jokes
2:39 PM Michael: you're twice as funny as i, and six times as charming
2:40 PM Paul: you're a flatterer who knows how to get what he wants.
10 minutes
2:50 PM Michael: sorry just stepped out for a minute
i really have to get back to work
we'll pick this up again soon, though
later

LATER THAT SAME DAY

5:29 PM Paul: blaaaaaaaaaaah
5:30 PM Michael: oh you are true
sorry to leave so abruptly before
Paul: you're an asshole. you rich asshole.
5:31 PM Michael: the senior partner apparently blew up at some paralegal upstairs and i had to be sure that if he came down i was working as hard as possible
also, i'm an asshole
not rich, but an asshole
5:32 PM Paul: i knew you'd say that
5:33 PM Michael: one day i hope to be the world's richest asshole
5:35 PM for now i have to settle for world's humblest man
5:36 PM Paul: computers! alive!
Michael: amazing!
5:37 PM modern science fiction!
5:38 PM paul, i didn't want to be the one to tell you this
but you're a nerd, you use computers
5:40 PM Paul: oh shit. and i have glasses. i'm as good as virgin
revirginizing
5:41 PM Michael: and a pocket protector, now you're uncircumcised
5:42 PM Paul: oh no!

Tuesday - 2/20/07

11:44 AM Michael: how was your weekend?
12:05 PM Paul: it was pretty killer. how was yours?
12:06 PM Michael: it was alright
12:07 PM not terribly eventful but i did have some good times
how's mac?
Paul: pretty good. didn't see too much of him, as he'd rather play video games than go get drunk at a bar. to each his own.
12:11 PM you should come up and get drunk with me at a bar
12:15 PM Michael: that sounds exactly like what i should do
Paul: i know
Michael: so i will
12:16 PM Paul: excellent
12:17 PM Michael: i'm sure i'll be in nyc before april
Paul: indeed
Michael: i just need to figure out a good weekend
Paul: perhaps i'll figure out how to motivate myself onto a bus to d.c. - any birthday plans?
12:18 PM Michael: i haven't thought much about it
i could make birthday plans
Paul: you could. it is less than a month away
12:19 PM Michael: i'll give it some thought
ah
here's a plan
you come to DC
the end
Paul: wow. you think fast.
12:20 PM Michael: well thanks, i take steroids
Paul: you're also high
12:21 PM Michael: if by "high" you mean high on drugs, then yes
Paul: yes, i mean high on cocaine. the drug.
Michael: cocaine is a winners' drug
12:24 PM i'm on the fast track to cooltown and you'll just have to wait at the train station with your mouth agape as my crack train blows by you in a gust of wind and money
Paul: i think that might be the most amazing thing you've ever said
Michael: thanks
12:26 PM i only say facts i know
12:27 PM Paul: you say true truths, soothsayer. may your mighty brain be not hollowed out by the cocaine moles digging through it. for all time.
12:29 PM Michael: ah blind poet, your stirring meters have touched the void in my consciousness and breath'd to it righteousness of which i dare not speak. your station being so humble, must inveigh against the less noble men who, in mortal despair, do perfidy towards grace with a thin white line
12:33 PM
Paul: lines that long for nostral passages ne'er before traversed are mere brothers of the deep brews that dredge the depths of ones internals, eternally siphoning the tempered blood. AVAST! Forthwith shalt the hops and barley be mine sea, depression the vessel of shattered dreams! (it's not fair, you majored in classics)
12:36 PM and how did we go from "fast track to cool town" to fucking crazy ass poet speak?
Michael: excellent question
we're great
Paul: excellent answer
Michael: and your poetic reply was superb
12:38 PM Paul: it's still not fair. you and your background of epic poetry puts my mind to shame
Michael: that's true, i have substantial experience there, BUT your philosophy background can make it up and then some
Paul: mayhaps
12:39 PM Michael: no one can waste words on meaningless doublespeak better than a philosopher
Paul: well, maybe a politician
of which i also have experience
Michael: good point
12:40 PM you have received votes for the presidency
or at least vote for the presidency
12:42 PM Paul: did you vote for me? i know you voted for me to be the attorney general of massachusetts
Michael: that was in 2002, in 2004 you were my write in vote for president
12:43 PM you narrowly edged out dwight eisenhower
12:44 PM Paul: that's right. well, we might like ike, but paul cannon's the shit
that's my campaign slogan
"paul cannon's the shit, son"
12:45 PM Michael: i'll quickly run out and make a hundred thousand bumper stickers that say "Paul Cannon's shit, son"
12:46 PM Paul: hahahaha
and then i will run you over with one of the many cars you stick them on
12:47 PM Michael: that seems like a fair solution
Paul: it's agreed then
hey
12:48 PM whatever happened to duels? like, andrew jackson shooting somebody on the white house lawn?
Michael: that's a great question
12:49 PM men were men back then
that's a good campaign slogan too
"Paul Cannon: Men Were Men Back Then"
12:50 PM Paul: Cannon/Dubitzky: We're gonna kick your ass, bitch.
Michael: Cannon/Dubitzky: The Future Stops Here
12:51 PM Paul: Cannon/Dubitzky: Please shut up.
Michael: Cannon/Dubitzky: Read my lips, kiss me
Paul: Cannon/Dubitzky: Give Us Your Money, Keep Your Children
12:52 PM Michael: Cannon/Dubitzky: A Duo of Two
12:53 PM Paul: Cannon/Dubitzky: Vegetarian and the Jew: Red States Suck
12:54 PM Michael: Cannon/Dubitzky: Absolution of your sins with every vote
12:55 PM Paul: Cannon/Dubitzky: We're Hungry
Michael: Cannon/Dubitzky: We'll Tell You How to Cure Cancer
ok, i'm on board
but i have to go
Paul: adios
Michael: a pleasure, as always

Friday - 2/16/07

11:07 AM Paul: don't waste another minute on your cryin'!
21 minutes
11:28 AM Michael: haha, i can always count on you
impressive
11:29 AM those growing pains
Paul: as long as we've got each other....!
Michael: we've got the world spinning right in our hands!
11:30 AM Paul: hahahaha
we're fun
Michael: supremely so
11:31 AM Paul: any idea if you'll be making it up to the old nyc for some good old fashioned good fashioned times
?
Michael: i want but i'm not sure if i want to spend the money
Paul: truly
Michael: tell me, who else will be there this weekend?
11:32 AM Paul: mac, a couple friends from boston...me.
11:33 AM Michael: it's very tempting
Paul: ha
11:34 AM Michael: maybe i would come up sat. night through monday
i dont know
Paul: yeah, that's macs plan
Michael: i'll give you a definite answer some time today
Paul: whatevs
11:35 AM Michael: if i dont come up this weekend, i'll come up sometime in march
11:36 AM Paul: cool. and i'll def. def. def. come to d.c. come spring time
Michael: haha
sure you will
i'll leave a light on for you
Paul: promises promises
Michael: good man
11:37 AM spring in dc is the best time to come anyway
it's actually been surprisingly cold here this month
Paul: yeah, i hear spring is beautiful
11:38 AM Michael: oh it is, what with the trees and all
11:40 AM Paul: and the leaves
Michael: yes, they're ok too
see what happens when we're both unoccupied at work?
do you see?
can't you?
do you?
11:42 AM Paul: can i afford not to?
Michael: how true that is
11:44 AM Paul: And also in a twist that really shakes the bacon
Michael: how’s work going for you?
Paul: it's alright. a long week of long hours.
12:01 PM Michael: busy, eh?
Paul: very. not right now. but yesterday
12:02 PM Michael: you never ended up meeting walken, did you?
Paul: nope. sadly.
12:03 PM Michael: that's a shame, i have some shit to do
we'll pick this up later
adios
12:04 PM Paul: peace